Thursday, October 30, 2008

here is der analysis:

euu have managed to sweep away any feelings euu have left fer ur ex. euu are fully recovered and dun dwell in anguish over der memories ob your times tgt.. euu are completely and happily in love wit ur current boyfriend/ girlfriend.. although euu may occassionally mention der name ob past boyfriend/ girlfriend, it will simply be because it relates to wat euu are talking about. der present moment is wat euu are interested in.

but does tat follows fer miie?? ii dun think so.. it still hurts whenever ii think ob him.. my heart still bleed like it never bleeded before.. ii dunnoe how long ii can withstand this.. but ii noe it isn't long..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 9:52 PM9:52 PM

oh fcuk. how unlucky can ii get?? ii lost my phone today.. kenna warning by teacher fer wearing slippers n shorts.. and when ii realised ii had lost my phone, ii called back. but der person alr switched off my phone.. tis kinda people in singapore are knn pcb fcukers.. so dishonest.. nyp pple gort so poor mahhs?? poor until handphone also cannort afford to buy.. kb lahhs.. all my contacts gone.. na bei..

maybe god is hinting miie, ii should get go to hell now.. ii am like so guai today.. thn this kinda fcuking thing happen.. fcuk fcuk fcuk.. ii reallie wan to die now..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 5:49 PM5:49 PM

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

why do ii just love euu?? ii hate myself fer loving euu.. but ii just can't help it. ii dun wan to think abt euu. but ii just couldn't help it. ii am being unfair to audrey baby.. ii noe.. baby, ii will try my best to forget him.. ii give euu my word.. someone please just use a knief to stab miie to death.. ii hate myself.. ii think ii ought to die.. even death isn't enough to atone fer my sins.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 9:41 PM9:41 PM

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

in wat sense am ii inferior to her tat euu must hurt miie time and again??

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 8:03 PM8:03 PM

Monday, October 27, 2008

because there was euu, there was miie..
because euu love miie, ii will love euu back..
because euu care fer miie, ii will care fer euu..
because euu were always there fer miie, ii wan to be there fer euu too..

audrey came to my house today.. we slept tgt and she hugg miie like euu used to hugg miie.. ii felt loved.. been so long since someone ever did this to miie ehh.. aft tat we went to amk hub.. play arcade n buy anklet.. we brought this pair ob anklet wit keys attached to it.. actually wanted to buy a key and a lock.. but der design ob der lock isn't nice..while buying bubble tea, ii saw this promotion face thingy so ii decided to try.. its called threading.. and trust miie, its fcuking painful.. they use this thread n pull out all my hair.. kns.. ii am never going to do it again.. gurls wan pretty bu yao ming.. tong si wo.. thn we went home hand in hand.. so sweet uhh??

last night ii mistook audrey tot she wan ask miie fer stead.. hahas.. cus she suddenly say wo ai ni.. ii will never leave euu crying.. hahas.. thn ii asked if she is going to ask miie fer stead.. she say wouldn't it be weird if ii asked euu at 2 am in der morning?? ii replied her wit, tat goes to show tat we are a unique couple mahhs.. hahas.. actually its weird uhh.. cus we haven stead alr kissing each other le.. stead alr how?? can't imagine.. hahas.. but ii think she wun wan to do tat kinda things.. cus she very shy de.. hahas..

ii have tot abt my relationship wit zhen dong.. and ii believe things had come to an end.. cynthia said tat we seem to love each other but are just trying to spite each other.. hmm.. but ii dun think so?? cus it seems like ii am der only one holding on to this relationship while he is happily dating his daughter?? ii wanted to die so much on friday night.. because ii keep thinking abt him.. and my heart just dun wan to let it go.. ii just couldn't sleep fer der whole night.. ii swallowed 5 panadol pills and before ii was going to swallow more, audrey called miie and cried.. she couldn't bear to see miie suffer because ob him.. ii am a reallie stupid gurl.. on fri, ii skipped sch to pei him.. because ii was worried and wanted to be there fer him.. hui xiang did ask miie nort to go.. she said. since he gort so many gurls to accompany him, why should euu go and accompany him?? ii said because ii still love him.. because ii still cared fer him.. should ii have gone in der first place?? i dunnoe.. days after we broke up, it was miie tat can't live without him.. he was happily enjoying his freedom.. ii have failed as a gurlfriend.. nevertheless. ii noe ii had tried to win euu back.. if ii do commit sucide one day, it would be because ob euu ii swear.. because ii realised, ii had never loved someone so deep down into my heart before.. and, ii am still cutting myself.. because ob my word to euu..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 11:01 PM11:01 PM

Sunday, October 26, 2008

we were cam whoring on der train on our way home. ii love euu audrey.. and its becus ob euu ii am trying to empty my heart ob him.. was love ever fair?? if only ii am given back der efforts ii took to jio euu back.. but nevertheless, love was never fair.. however, my promise to euu will still be kept.. ii will continue to cut myself.. till der day euu explain things to miie.. ii wonder if this is depression, but ii am too busy numbing myself to care..

hearts xD

audrey.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 10:28 AM10:28 AM

Friday, October 24, 2008

der cut ii had promised euu.

went to his house today. because he was feeling miserable. ii wanted to be there fer him when he is feeling upset. but nevertheless, ii ended up hurting myself.. seeing his face again reminds miie ob der past.. der happie memories we shared.. how he first held my hand.. how he hugg miie & how he kissed my lips.. but now?? ii am nort his stead anymore.. wat am ii to him in his heart?? ii dunnoe.. ii seriously dunnoe.. he is attached alr.. my heart hurts.. but wat can ii do?? ii just wanna get over this damn thing quickly.. der pills ii took to numb myself.. to make myself sleep are countless alr.. der tears ii cried fer euu, are enough to flood my house.. euu came into my life.. so abruptly.. thn euu left miie crying.. so suddenly.. was love ever fair?? ii only have myself to be blamed.. why did ii treasure euu only when euu are gone?? why do ii think ob euu even till now.. as ii am typing this post, tears are still rolling down my cheeks.. ii just wanna be your little gurl once more.. but its like asking fer der impossible now.. ii cut myself again.. till euu explain yourself, ii will continue hurting myself.. it ain't my body tat hurt.. it was my heart tat is bleeding now..

ii will be meeting audrey tml.. ii am supposed to be happie.. but why am ii crying now?? to der hell wit my feelings.. ii need my pills again..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 11:03 PM11:03 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

was web cam-ing wit firdaus.. we were cam whoring.. hahas..

xiao jing only joined in fer one pic.. thn she punch miie somemore.. stupid gurl.. lol.. today's lesson was super duper boring.. couldn't wait to end sch..

miss my audrey dear so much.. she didn't have any exams today.. so pei miie msg whole day.. so sweet uhh?? plus she said to meet miie on sat.. at sembawang.. teach miie econs.. hehe.. ii caught some balls fer econs all thanks to her.. if without her ii sure catch no balls de.. hehe.. thanks dearie.. ii miss euu nehhs.. every second without euu is like hell to miie.. ii will be waiting fer euu till ur o levels end.. thn we can finally be tgt.. and never part.. euu said euu will never leave miie like wat my ex did to miie.. and ii believe euu.. tats why ii am starting to love euu more n more.. and ii am starting to lose my confidence in guys more n more.. dunnoe if tats a good thing.. but ii just hope euu dun disappoint miie..

ii passed by amk hub today.. brought a pair ob ear rings fer audrey.. euu said euu brough miie a pair ob cpl plant keychain.. say very kawaii.. hope ii can see it on sat.. audrey bao bei.. ii hope euu faster end your o levels.. thn euu can bring miie to der whole ob singapore as euu had promised miie.. heh.. ii love euu.. muakiies..

to him. ii will upload pics ob my cuts soon.. as ii had said ii will do it.. can't find my usb cable today.. heard tat euu are interested in making friends wit my cousin.. this is wat euu wrote: oh, hi, im someone xP. you don't know me and i don't know you. just wish to know more friends. =] cheers, peace. good luck too euu uhh??

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 8:30 PM8:30 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

[ miie at kou fu. ]

[ baka teacher.. dunnoe how to use com.. ]

[ can euu spot our tiny lecturer? ]

[ this is miie & ii look retarded. ]

[ see li jia & torrance.. lecture was boring.. can't blame her. ]

[ xiao jing.. ain't she sweet? ]

[ jerrold ]

[ fake smile. ]

[ jing jing's cheeky smile. ]

[ chloe is never lazy before.. never ever.. ]

[ firdaus.. he is my sister okies!! ]

[ see my sister smile.. lol.. cute mahhs?? ]

[ jing at kou fu ]

[ we are kou fu's top models.. just kidding luhh. ]

ii guess its time to move on and forget abt my past.

wats der point ob miie holding on to my past and making miie weep fer euu every night instead??yeah ii admit ii still love euu.. but its pointless alr.. eu had hurt miie time and again..

till der point tat ii had really really decided to give euu up..

ii give up.. euu are FREE.. and euu dun have to care abt miie also..

becus its pointless alr.. if euu told miie last night tat euu still love miie, ii would have asked euu fer patch.. but all euu said was: ''ii can't ans tat question.." still, ii have some things to pass to euu first..

if euu had accepted her to make miie give up on euu, ii can gladly say.. congrats. euu had did it. nevertheless, good luck fer your coming o levels uhh..

to my baby audrey.. ii am sorries ii had taken euu as his substitute.. ii noe euu didn't mind becus euu love miie alot.. and ii noe euu hated him fer hurting miie like this.. but audrey ii promise euu, ii will stead wit euu aft his o levels.. and ii wun be unfair to euu anymore.. becus ii noe your love fer miie is never ending true.. and ii dun wan to be unfair to euu anymore..baby audrey, thank you fer standing by miie all along.. as ii type out this post fer euu, my eyes are flooded wit tears.. tears ob disappointment towards him and tears ob gratitute towards euu..

to colleen: ii am sorries.. ii noe euu had fallen in love wit miie but ii only love audrey..

der photos fer today are all shown above..

hearts audrey xD

muakiies. -ilu-

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 9:28 PM9:28 PM

Monday, October 20, 2008

our lab teach us how to ping pong piang.. lol

look at how much chloe is concentrating on der keyboard..

kai tang is as pretty as usual..

xiao jing act hardworking de.. hahas.. just kidding luhh.. here comes der funnie part.. dun laugh kayys...

loading....

dun laugh..

tata~~

sch was "interesting" today.. actually it was boring.. sleeping in lectures as usual.. ii was trying very hard nort to sleep alr.. but der teacher was so boring ii couldn't stand it.. took some pics.. above are der pics.. dun laugh please..

today was audrey's econs and chemistry paper today.. wish her loads ob luck.. dun mind giving her all my luck and being very unlucky today.. hahas.. but she said it was a tough paper.. so ii must reallie pray hard fer her.. as fer zhen dong, ii wish euu all der best in your coming o levels too.. ii will pei euu go amk hub to play drum after your o lvls end.. dun worry..

watched a drama show today.. quoted from der show, "guys passion fer a gurl fades after years ob seeing der same gurl ".. ii guess tat was wat happen to miie.. reason why euu wanted to break wit miie so much over a small reason.. it was my friends tat said it was a small reason btw.. nort miie.. hmm.. tats why ii am afraid ob guys now.. and also der reason why ii am falling in love wit audrey.. she said to make loads ob money and to bring miie to japan and buy miie loads ob kimono..hahas.. so sweet uhh?? thn she also agreed to bring miie go bowling etc after her o levels.. hehe.. dearest audrey, ii am looking so much towards after your o levels end..

after sch ii went home wit jerrold.. he pei wo go buy hello kitty slippers fer jing jing.. hehe.. plus he brought chocolates fer miie.. hehe.. thanks gan lao gong!!

this is wat ii learnt from my jap class:

wa ta shi wa christine. [ my name is christine ]

wa ta shi wa sin ga po ru u jin de su. [ ii am a singaporean ]

wa ta shi wa nan yang po ri tech ku ni ku ga ku sei de su.

[ ii am a nanyang polytechnic student ]

yo ru shi ku o ne gi shi ma su

[ nice to meet euu ]

this is wat xiao jing taught miie:

oo lu sai [ shut up ]

baka [ stupid ]

ii finally learnt how to say ii love euu in japan.. too bad ii am no longer able to tell zhen dong..

ii stye lu khoo zhen dong. [ in jap ]

sa na hey yo khoo zhen dong. [ in korean ]

nort sure abt der prononcing also.. please dun laugh at miie if ii gort it wrong..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 8:19 PM8:19 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2008

[ der past where ii stayed by your side & watch euu play]

[ now ]

its been so long since ii felt der real feeling ob being happy.. yesterday ii went out wit audrey.. we went studying tgt.. ii am a happy gurl once more.. she taught miie econs.. ii was quite ashame.. cus ii am 17 and she is only 16 and she is teaching miie.. abit xia suay.. but nbm.. at least ii gort to see her.. aft tat ii pei her go jurong point study.. her o levels is coming.. so is zhen dong's o level.. ii hope he is preparing well fer his o levels.. as fer audrey, ii dun have to worry.. she is confident in herself.. hope she gets her 7 A1s.. ii will pray hard fer der both ob euu.. before she left, she gave miie a farewell kiss and a warm little hugg.. there was this warm nice feeling in my heart..

although audrey said tat she will only ask miie fer stead aft her o levels, ii think she alr regards miie as her gurlfren alr..

its been 88 days since euu left miie.. ii guess ii reallie changed alot.. from a normal cheerful gurl.. to an emo sad gurl.. thn converting to a lesbian.. its hard.. but ii guess ii can still manage.. since ii almost turn into a les when ii was in pri sch..well, euu said ii can choose if ii wan to turn into a lesbian.. ii guess ii choose to b one.. becus ever since euu left, ii didn't have interest in guys anymore.. sometimes, singaporean guys complain tat singaporean gurls are too demanding.. thus, they decided to go fer vietnam gurls, china gurls.. yet they didn't tink abt this.. out ob all der guys in der world, only one tenth ob them are good guys.. and these good guys are either attached or gay.. thus, if euu observe carefully, more gurls are turning into lesbians becus guys jus suck??

to euu: ii guess ii had reallie hurt euu in der past, therefore ii choose to avid euu.. maybe ii just wan to avoid this reality tat euu have left my life.. ii noe tat euu dun love miie anymore.. neither do ii noe why ii am still feeling sad over euu.. but ii guess audrey will help miie overcome my unhappiness..

ii used to love euu..
ii used to miss euu..
ii used to hate euu..
but now, ii still yearn fer euu..
why am ii such a stupid gurl..
ii have no idea myself..
ii simply love euu..
and ii hate myself fer loving euu..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 2:34 PM2:34 PM

Thursday, October 16, 2008

other than euu. ii dun think tat is anything ii wan more now.. at this point.. ii reallie find life so meaningless.. feel like ii am going crazy.. using drugs to numb myself.. wtf euu wan frm miie sia.. knn.. wat ii can do. ii tried.. wat more euu wan thn euu will return to miie.. euu say?? ii find pleasure in cutting myself.. ii feel like ii deserved it.. ii am such an ass..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 6:24 PM6:24 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

second day ob my cut looks like this.

my heart hurts more than wat my cut hurts.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 11:45 AM11:45 AM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

ii feel happie doing this. because ii noe ii am unwanted & unloved..

ii am thrash to euu ain't ii??

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 8:28 PM8:28 PM

Monday, October 13, 2008

live fer der sake ob living..
study fer der sake ob studying..
live fer der fcuking sake ob living..
why is life so boring and dull??

audrey said this. if euu didn't had a close encounter wit death, euu wouldn't treasure your life. maybe ii should try playing wit mu life since life is so dull fer miie.. find things to spice up my life..

to angr: ii noe euu wan miie dead. however, how ii wan to play wit my life is my own thing. its my life. and ii wanted to jump. it was him tat carried miie back from his window.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 9:40 PM9:40 PM

Sunday, October 12, 2008

it refers to der person who thinks tat i am refering to another person..

ii am a bisexual.

first sucide attempt: cut wrist
second sucide attempt: take pills
third sucide attempt: jump building
fourth sucide attempt: starve myself
fifth sucide attempt: run across der road
&
presenting to euu my sixth sucide attempt: swallow chewing gum..

ii hate myself fer loving euu.. can't break free fer der things tat euu do.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 3:02 PM3:02 PM

it refers to der person who thinks tat i am refering to another person..
ii am a bisexual.

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 3:02 PM3:02 PM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

when ii am wit euu, ii'll make every second count because ii miss euu.
ii will love euu fer der rest ob my life..

ii wish euu were here wit miie miie tonight..
ii rmb der days we spent tgt were nort enough..
and euu used to feel like dreaming except tat we always woke up..
never thought nort having euu here would hurt so much..

tonight ii am falling and ii can't get up..
ii need ur loving hands to come and pick miie up..
and every night ii miss euu ii could just look up..
and noe der stars are holding euu tonight..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 12:17 PM12:17 PM

Sunday, October 5, 2008

why is it tat nobody just trust miie?!
ii dunnoe who is tat idiot, posting my name & scolding other people in their bloggs.. and euu better dun let miie find out who euu are.. first, it was wee ling... now, cecilia.. ehh, if euu dun like miie euu just say can.. dun make miie tio tai ji from other people can?? its like ii am nort so free to go around scolding other people luhh.. euu wan miie get whack right.. so be it.. if it gets through ur liang xin euu go ahead.. get miie into more trouble..

ii am lucky wee ling believes in miie.. as fer cecilia, ii noe she does nort believe miie. and ii wouldn't wan to make matters worst anymore.. but ii just wan to tell cecilia this, ii am nort der sort who will anyhow go find people problem as if ii am so free liddat.. believe miie or nort, its up to euu to choose..

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 2:07 PM2:07 PM

Thursday, October 2, 2008

-- because ii knew ii was never important to you. 7:03 PM7:03 PM