Thursday, August 7, 2008
ii didn't reallie slept last night.. so tired now.. ii didn't want to sleep.. but somehow, ii managed to doze off on my study table.. ii discovered another secret ob his.. a secret tat hurt miie badly.. a secret tat finally, brought my depression back into my life.. how ii noe it came back?? ytd, ii rmb sleeping on my table.. der whole packet ob panadol pills was on my table.. yet, when ii awoke, ii was on my bed.. & der pills were missing by half.. ii am nort sure if ii ate it.. but somehow, tis is linked to my dream.. ii dreamt tat he left miie fer good.. & ii had somehow eaten der pills in an attempt to kill myself.. ii dun reallie noe if ii had eaten der pills.. but ii noe.. if ii am sleepwallking, it means tat my depression has come back.. ii didn't want to tell euu because ii am scared euu would be worried.. so ii chose to nort reply euu.. to nort ans your calls.. ii dun wan euu to eat anymore pills fer miie.. ii didn't eat it deliberately.. neither do ii noe if ii ate those pills..
its been 15 days since euu left my life.. euu made miie becum so jealous whenever ii noe tat euu are talking to your daughter.. ii dun wan to feel tat way either.. buy ii just can't help it.. ii can behave normally when ii am in sch.. ii think tat is because ii am nort left alone.. but when ii am alone.. my mind starts to think wild & ii feel like ii am going crazy very soon.. euu said euu are protecting miie.. but is this how euu protect miie?? i dunnoe.. ii just wan euu back into my life.. ii miss euu.. hais...
after sch ii went to his house wit xiao jing.. went to buy fish porridge fer him.. ii woke him up because ii didn't want him to eat cold porridge.. but when he woke up, all ii gort was a black face frm him.. ii noe its wrong to bring my friend to his house.. but ii wasn't feeling too well okies?? ii felt like vomitting & didn't felt like eating.. if he dun appreciate.. if he reallie wants miie outta his life.. ii will do it.. ii was worried abt euu tats why ii went to your house... it is nort like ii gort nth better to do.. ii dunnoe if it was der effect ob der pills ii ate.. but ii reallie feel like sleeping le.. will post tml if possible...
lonely..
8:16 AM
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